Hi guys! I’m coming to you live on my 27th birthday as I sip my coffee and ponder the past year of my life…well really the past four years, since I became a mom. I wanted to share some personal thoughts with you today – on life, love, motherhood and marriage, and most importantly balance. If you are coming here from Instagram, you have already seen my new tiny tattoo of a sun and a moon, two ultimate symbols of balance.
Seeking balance has been a resounding theme in my life and something I have strived for and struggled with for many years. If you are a believer in astrology, you may know that I am an Aries, and Aries tend to be fiercely independent, adventurers and leaders. I have always loved traveling, carving my own path, being creative and answering to no one (sorry mom and dad).
When I met Sean, my soulmate and now husband, I was fresh off a six-month trip to New Zealand, with dreadlocks in my hair and dandelion tattoo, hell-bent on scraping together what money I could to travel to Thailand. Little did I know that one year later we would find out we were expecting our first child together. We were overjoyed and relished every minute of my pregnancy and preparing to be parents, even planning a “babymoon” to Mexico in my third trimester (read: one last excuse to travel).
When our son Kieran arrived, a little ball of fire and energy, my world changed. I changed. It’s only natural.
Suddenly, my entire life was devoted to one single tiny human, a person who needed me more than anyone else in the world.
From that moment on, I was no longer “Emily;” I was Kieran’s mom.
It is the most inexplicable feeling, motherhood. It is all consuming, to put it simply. Any mother or parent can attest to the feeling. You would do anything – anything – for your child, and the love you feel for them is immeasurable and infinite.
It was after a year of being a mom, that I first began to “miss myself.” I am almost positive that all women lose a bit of themselves when they become a mom. However, like many moms I kept these thoughts to myself, and went on being Kieran’s mom. At this point, I should probably write a little disclaimer: *I absolutely adore my child and my life, I just felt like a part of me had slipped away.*
Sean noticed too, and he encouraged me to do the things I used to love; let loose, see my friends, have a glass of wine….or two. But I was adamant that I couldn’t – claiming, “I have to think about Kieran,” even when it was completely unnecessary. I used “being a mom” as a crutch to avoid doing the things I used to do, because I was afraid of tapping into that side of myself again. When I became a mom, I tucked a little piece of myself and my life away for safe keeping, saying one day I would come back for it.
Well, here I am almost four years later, and I am coming back for it.
In fact, I have been -slowly but surely – for the past year. For me, and I am sure for other moms, the guilt and fear of not being a good enough mom and wife can be a lifelong struggle. The important thing to know is that this is something entirely in our control. Letting go of the stress and pressure I have been putting on myself to be the “perfect mom,” or worrying about what others think about my life has been the catalyst for me finding myself and finding balance in my life again. I was unbalanced for years, putting everything I had into being a mom and wife and neglecting my soul and what makes me happy. What I have come to realize is that working on myself and allowing myself to have personal goals, unrelated to motherhood or marriage, has made me a stronger woman, and ultimately a better wife and mom.
So in my 27th year of life I have set some goals:
Grow my blog!
Travel to Ireland (big one for me)
Expand my photography business
These thoughts have been on my mind for a long time, and only my closest friends and family know how passionate I am about self love and it’s role in parenting and marriage. I hope that by sharing this blog post, I may encourage other moms or women in general, to give themselves the freedom to live life for themselves as well as their children and partner. So to the moms out there who may be new moms, or just like me have been trying for years to find balance in their lives, my message is this: get back out there, be just a little selfish, and remember that YOU are more than just a mom.
Life is a balancing act.
Thanks for reading, and please consider sharing this page with your friends and family.
All photography by Jeff Turner @ Black Thumb Studio